I don't know...I'm not saying I'm suicidal, I'm not going to hurt myself, take a bunch of pills, or anything, but...if for some reason I just fell off the face of the earth I'd be okay with it. I don't know if that makes sense.
But then I love my boys sooooo much, and the thought of them having to deal with me being gone...I just can't imagine their pain...so I keep on keepin' on...
I'm going through a lot right now...leaving an abusive husband...going through a divorce...I am not trying to handle things on my own...I have help with my therapist, a psychiatrist, medications...if it wasn't for the medications, I don't think I could get through the day like a 'normal' human being.
But one time, there was a night my husband and I were fighting, and, as I tried to sleep, he turned on me, clamped his hand down around my neck and squeezed. I didn't fight him, I didnt' push him away. I just took it. I closed my eyes, and told myself if this is the way I go, this is how it goes.
It makes me sad I didn't even react. If I got sick, would I not fight for my life?